11/12/2020 8:55 AM
Dear Senator Ron Johnson (R-Wisconsin),
I would like to report some irregularities related to mail-in ballots. The suspicious incidents I have personally witnessed are as follows:
1. On Monday, November 10, 2020, at 2:48 PM, I witnessed Senator Lindsey Graham remark that there would never be another Republican elected to office if we didn’t “do something to stop vote-by-mail.” Senator Graham was on Fox News, on the television, but I saw him clearly from the couch. I was sitting no more than six feet away, eating cold lasagna, which isn’t too loud when chewing, so I could hear him clearly, as well.
2. On Monday, June 6, 2020, Democratic members of Congress kneeled on the floor of the U.S. Capitol for eight minutes and forty-six seconds wearing identical Kente cloth stoles. This incident looked suspiciously Muslim to me, and was subsequently memed into oblivion. One of these memes featured the logo for the USPS photoshopped expertly onto the Kente stoles - and even onto Nancy Pelosi’s little hat! - with ominous-looking USPS drop boxes placed on the floor between the kneeling senators. There was, I believe, no election happening at this time but I’m including this incident in case it is useful to your investigation, seeing as it was obviously a professional photoshop job, probably originating from a George Soros-funded Chinese student union in San Francisco. I did text several of my close friends “LOL,” during this time period, if that counts as mail(?).
3. In May of 2020, Louis DeJoy was installed as postmaster general. Talk about a curveball! To quote Frank Costanza, “This guy — this is not my kinda guy.” He just seems like a real weird dude. Keep this guy away from the glitter glue, you know what I’m saying?
4. On March 25, 2020, I witnessed president Donald Trump call into ‘Fox & Friends’ to discuss how the Chinese gave us all Kung Flu Virus and how there was no way anybody could have seen it coming. I was watching this on the dining room television at the Chicken Express in Kerrville, Texas, a small and reliably Republican town where most of the storefront windows are decorated with local high school football stars and/or hysterical pamphlets about how Obama spent his presidency selling baby parts on the black market. Anyway! The president, on TV, said the COVID relief bill the Democrats were trying to pass had “crazy things” in it, including “levels of voting that if you’d ever agreed to it, you’d never have another Republican elected in this country again.” I am pretty sure this was code for “mail-in ballots, oogity-boogity, democracy comin’ to get ya.” I remember several of my fellow whites nodding vigorously in agreement/terror.
5. In November of 2018, I voted in the midterms at the George Washington Carver branch of the public library in Austin, Texas. The library is in a diverse neighborhood. I saw several DOZEN minorities standing in line to vote. I also learned there are two George Washingtons, and that one of them was black and invented peanuts(!). Not sure if too late to steal this election (maybe could be done retroactively?), but still feels good to get off my chest.
Also, just because they weren’t voting by mail doesn’t mean they don’t deserve to have their votes suppressed.
6. For several months in 1998, when I was in 3rd grade, my mom worked for the USPS as a postal carrier. She seemed really stressed out during that time, in my memory, and she cried a lot. It seemed to me like the neoliberal doctrine of the ‘70s, followed by the public sector retrenchment and Clinton-era privatization of the ‘90s, really fucked with her Saturdays. I remember eating *a lot* of TV dinners. I guess my point here is just that my mom is a lifelong Democrat who has probably voted twice in every election, and should be deported back to Canada.
7. On July 18, 1946, Maceo Snipes (a black man) was killed for voting in the Georgia Democratic Primary. The KKK had warned him they would kill him, of course, but he was a WW2 veteran - in other words, “a loser and a sucker” - and consequently he was not frightened of their sad, bottom-shelf, bootlegger fascism. He believed in American democracy, and in his right to participate in it. The men who killed Snipes continued to lynch black people across Georgia for daring to vote as news of his murder spread. All of this is super awesome, obviously, and I am really hoping that Georgia keeps up the good work this January, in what will be its 233rd straight year of racist voter suppression.
I say all of this to say that what *would* be irregular in Georgia, given its history, is a fair runoff election - one where the minority vote is not systematically choked out by a system designed to keep the freedman enslaved.
It would be highly fucking irregular if two Democratic senators went on to win a fair election in a state like Georgia, don’t you think?
To avoid getting shot or lynched, I’m sure the good people there - including recent transplant and raging communist Andrew Yang - will all be voting by mail.
Keep your mind on Georgia, is what I’m saying. This one’s just a freebie, in advance.
Molly Glenn Morrow
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